I know how it feels, when every day you wish..
To wake up, checking your phone and see a morning wish, following by the three sacred words.
To have someone to listen when you're having a bad day.
To have the will to wake up and be happy.
To go out for lunch with someone special.
To have long giggling talks at night, before you go to sleep.
And I know too, every day you wish not to..
Think that what you wished don't count when he's not around.
Cry every night.
Think of him when you listen your songs.
Think of him when you see, listen the word "love".
And I guess the lists don't stop. It won't stop. Until you vow to yourself that you won't cry anymore. Love is a beautiful thing, even you have the chance to taste a glimpse of it. I'm glad he was the one to embrace you love.
As for the sick, painful part that you, us.. are helplessly ruined.. I know one day you'll find ways to cope the pain. I know you're strong enough. If he doesn't feel what you feel now, he will, eventually. Only if he loved you as much as you did.
Everybody makes mistakes. Not a single soul misses mistakes. Feel sorry for yourself, think of what you might have done to him. Maybe he's in pain too.
So chill. Don't beat yourself up.