Friday, April 29, 2011

Rest in peace, Nurul Jamal.


Loneliness has it ways of hurting you.

The worst part?
You can barely feel its presence at first but when it hits you, you will just die.

At night, it gets worse. I feel like I have no one you can turn to. I just feel so out of place. Even when I'm surrounded by my comrades, I just feel so.. disconnected.

To the people who know exactly how I feel, drink it up.

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

First love.

Maybe your first love is the one that sticks with you because it's the only person who will ever receive all of you. After that, you learn better. But most of all, no matter what, a piece of you forever remains left behind in the heart of the one you loved - a piece no future lover could ever get, no matter what. That piece holds innocence, the belief that love really can last forever. It holds friendship and pain, trial and error, that one kiss you'll never forget, and that night under the stars you can never get back. It holds youth and everything you thought love would be, everything that was proven wrong.

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Strangers, again.

I watched 'Strangers, again'.

I am shamelessly gonna admit this, I cried whilst watching that video. I couldn't help myself. Stage four got me so bad..

You know the part when we get so comfortable with each other and somewhere along the way, one of us stops trying. The feelings aren't as strong as before which then will lead to stage five, tolerance.

Videos like that just made me feel better, at least whatever I'm going through.. I know there's someone out there who knows how I feel.

Monday, April 25, 2011

Ask away.

Another Q&A session, guys.

I will answer

  • Personal
  • Random
  • Relationship
  • Life
And I also do not mind if you are seeking for any advice, here.

I'm having writer's block, for the millionth time. You can't fathom the amount of free time that I have.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011


Forgive me, for I have been tainting my blog with murky posts. I couldn't help it. I guess it's the hormones talking. I guess we all have our fair share of ups and downs, right? I have been on autopilot on most of the time this month for god knows why.

I am out of topic for the millionth time. It sort of made me think, why on earth did I start writing again? Because as far as I can remember, my old blog caused me such predicament that it made me stop writing for quite some time. I got slashed for being honest with my feelings but I guess that's what some uncivilized human do for a living, downcast everyone. Like I said, some.. Because I also found so many people who treat my sanctum, like theirs.


Guess who will be turning 20 this Saturday? :)

Friday, April 15, 2011

This blog.. is so depressing.

I'm starting to hate it, again.

Monday, April 11, 2011

I don't believe in luck.

Mama: How are you with _______?

Me: Uhh, we haven't spoken to each other after he told me he likes me..

Mama: Why? Things got awkward or you made it awkward? Or is it just you, running away from those things?

Me: He's been busy la, Mama. Nothing to do with it.

Mama: I know you, Adik. You tend to runaway when someone confesses to you.

Me: It's not that la, Mama.... I jus-

Mama: Apa dia? You're scared of commitment? You're scared of the responsibility of being someone's girlfriend? Until when are you gonna be like this? You're going to be 20 soon, Adik. And I know you, you make things hard for any guys yang nak be in your life.


She just made me realize that I'm gonna be twenty soon and the thought of me being 20 scares the living shit out of me.

In exactly 12 days, I'll be turning in to the big two zero and my mum made a strong point.

Regarding the 'You make things hard for the guy who wants to be in my life", I beg to differ.. Sometimes, people play hard to get because they want to know if the other person's feelings are real.

Goodnight, everyone. Have a great, Monday.

Wednesday, April 06, 2011

Girlfriend material.

Boy: How long have you been single?

Me: A year, I think. Why?

Boy: You doing alright being single?

Me: There are pros and cons to it but as for now, I'm seeing more pros. Living it up! Why you tanya soalan ni? It's so unlike you.

Boy: I'm observing you. What do you not like being single?

Me: Do I-

Boy: Be honest about it. I will tell you the outcome.

Me: Okay.. Honestly, I just hate the loneliness. I get jealous of certain couples, but that doesn't happen often.

Boy: What do you love about being single?

Me: This is easy! I love the freedom, I don't have to care about what my boyfriend would say. I can go out without worrying who I'd hurt. I don't get sleepless nights. I am not emotionally tied up and I'm just selfish about my time at times. I would go MIA anytime. Yeahh, I'd go on forever since I have an ankle length list on what I love about being single but I don't want to bore you.

Boy: I'm gonna be honest about this... The next boy who becomes your boyfriend would have a tough time with you since I can see that you are this.. very carefree girl. I doubt you're anywhere ready to let go of your freedom. Take my advice to not have a boyfriend right now.

I just realized something.. I don't think I'm a good girlfriend material.

I had to change my friend's name if I'm posting up this conversation. He said he wants to avoid unnecessary attention. LoL.

Tuesday, April 05, 2011

Someone Like You - Adele

It's been three years.

Started as lovers and ended as strangers.

That's how love is.

it's safe for me to say that my feelings are no longer tied up to you but I guess it's the memories that will keep on railing me back in. I will be okay, I won't cry. I will smile because it happened.

You're always loved. :)

Monday, April 04, 2011

Help me!

Hey guys, remember this picture?

I'm re-doing my wall again and I'm confused between these two quotes.
  1. Somewhere weakness is our strength
  2. Dreams only last for a night
Uhm, help me choose please?
Feel free to give any related quotes. :)

Sunday, April 03, 2011

Life cyle of a mindfucked kid.

I've been feeling a bit mellow lately and the weather isn't being helpful at all. I started my one month break with high fever and very bad sore throat but I've recuperated, not completely tho. Getting there. :)


Imagine this,

Subject: The person that has been in your mind/heart for the longe
st time and it's almost unhealthy for him/her to be there for that long. (Note; the person no longer has feelings for you or in another word, you used to date him/her but shit happened.)

He knows your flaws, your weaknesses and that person definitely knows how to get under your skin. He can look you in the eyes without feeling anything while you can't even look at that person without welling up your eyes. That person can break your heart so easily because he knows your weak spot just so damn well.

Instead of breaking your heart all at once, he breaks it slowly and you won't eve
n notice it until your heart cracks into thousands of pieces before shattering all ov
er the place. You need that person, you need him so much til it hurts to sleep at night. You need him so much that your head can't think straight til you have to listen to your heart instead and you know your heart never really makes a smart move. Do you know that feeling? He's the only person that can put the pieces of your broken heart together and he's also the main reason why your heart is like that at the first place.

It gets worse when he tries to be friendly after everything between the two of you didn't work out. He looks at you in the eyes, breaking you slowly. Making you fall for him all over again when he feels nothing about you. His gestures confuse you as hell..

You know what's the worst part?

They claim that they did not do anything when they are just mindfucking you.

Yeah, it can also be a girl. I was writing it on behalf of the girls who have been mindfucked by this type of guys.


Now I am getting annoyed..

I was writing based on this picture but with a different perspective. It has nothing to do with the boy. Thanks guys.

Friday, April 01, 2011

2.37 AM

Phone rings

Me: Hello..
Akim: Hey, are you up?
Me: Barely but I can talk, what's wrong ni?
Akim: She left... I can't take it, I feel like giving up.

So pretty!