Friday, November 25, 2011

November rain.

Tonight, I can't seem to fathom my own feelings.

I just imagined myself; sitting by the beach at night, just looking at the breathtaking moon. How it shines the dark sea like it's holding its very own story. The breeze, the sound of the wave as it hits the shoreline while letting my hair dances with the wind. Such bliss.

I feel like curling up on my bed until I've fully understood what I'm feeling right now. It's like some sort of sadness that I can't figure it out why. The kind of sadness that seeps into your body without you noticing it until it has fully wrapped you up and the next minute, I just feel nothing. I feel cold.

No, I am forgotten. I am replaced.

Til then.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

You're so...

Finish the sentence in my comments.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Loveletter Part 1

I still remember the day I finally caved in; it was scary, it was beautiful how this one boy managed to break the walls that I built. His eyes always have its way of melting my insides, he always his own ways of keeping me coming back for more.

Someday, I know I will lose you. I do not know to what but one thing's for sure, I do not want to because even having that thought is just agonizing. I might lose you to fate, I might lose you to some cliché reasons but that does not give us any reason to back out now. Even now, we may fight over the most ludicrous things but I need you to know that it doesn't make me love you any less.

I don't know if it's different with you but it is with me. I guess it's always different with everyone but with you, things are just so effortlessly easy, like it's meant to be that way. You make things so easy for us and as for me, I will always be the one who doubts everything since I had few bad pasts that can last me a lifetime but you're always there to remind me that it's different this time.

You still give me the same butterflies. The one that makes me feel all giddy and heartsease every time I gaze upon that brown eyes of yours. When you always have this smirk on your face whenever I say or do something stupid. Remember the time where you caught me staring while you were driving? It was pure bliss.

I don't ever want to lose you. I might lose you in few weeks or months or even years time but I don't want to think about it. Being with you has been keeping me so alive. I want this feeling to stay, for as long as it could. For as long as we could last. Few years from now, maybe we would look at this differently but I want you to always remember me. I want you to always know that I'm yours to keep.

I just realized this would be my first love post since 2010.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Of the unrelated things and not focusing in class.

It's almost funny how things decided to turn out when I was just so close to the edge. I must have played my cards right or did something right to deserve this happiness. Or, I might be on god's lovely side.

Two months ago, I lost my interest in almost everything that I love. Everything was so bland. And I slept, a lot. I guess a short getaway from some people made me realize that some broken things are better left alone because fixing it will only hurt me. At the end of the day, I realized that you can't be a Samaritan to make everyone happy or please anyone because not everyone would do the things that you'd do for them. And not everyone cares if you're hurting. So, why bother really?

Make yourself happy. Sometimes, you have to put yourself above others. Not because of you're selfish, it's because you deserve to be happy too.

Just one question, why do we say it's a closure when you're still expecting a reply?

And, I can't focus during Artificial Intelligence. Good god.
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Of fairy tales and prince charming

When I was a little girl, I used to read fairy tales. In fairy tales, you meet prince charming and he's everything you ever wanted. In fairy tales, the bad guy is very easy to spot. The bad guy is always wearing a black cape, so you always know who he is. Then you grow up and you realize that prince charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he's not easy to spot; he's really funny, and he makes you laugh and he has perfect hair.

- Taylor Swift

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Sunday, November 13, 2011

This is for the girls who keep on going back to their ex.

"Every girl has that one guy she always goes back to. Heartbreak after heartbreak and nobody knows why. Not even her."

This is for the girls who are going through it.

I know how it feels to go back and forth to this one guy, heartbreak after heartbreak. And 98% of the times, the guy is someone from your past. No matter how hard you try to not go back to him; at the end of your sleepless nights, you'd find yourself talking to him or even thinking about him. Even after a break up, you'd find yourself thinking about talking to him or even when it's bulletproof loneliness at best, he's the guy you'd turn to.

It's actually normal.

You'd end up reminiscing about the old things that you did with him; the stupid ones, the best ones. You'd end up crying over him, again and again. You'd end up having sleepless nights again. You'd end up hoping that things would go back to how it used to be. The worst part; you would end up falling in love with him, all over again.

And then, you'd start thinking that no one will ever be as good as him.

Babygirl, that's when you're wrong. You didn't end up with the boy for a reason. The only reason you always go to him during your troubled times is because he's your comfort zone. Not because you're still in love with him. Maybe you love him but you're not in love with him. And if you keep on comparing him with any guys you meet, you will never move on. You need to stop comparing and accept that everyone's different. You need to hold back when you have the sudden urge of contacting him. Learn to let go and set the boy free.

I've had my share of those moments and last year during this month, I almost hit rock bottom when I relapsed. I contacted the boy back and I was in daze for two months. I was thinking the 'what if's' and 'what couldve been'. I was comparing him with everyone and every question would lead me back to him. You can read all the posts in 2010. You can see how bad the situation was.

Remember, he's only your comfort zone. Set your past free and don't ever relapse. Talk to someone else instead of him. There are 7 billion people in the world, you shouldn't be stuck in your past when you deserve a better future.

Sunday, November 06, 2011

so your father told you once,
that you were his princess,
you won't see the castle,
you cannot find your prince,
now you've grown a lot,
your dresses don't fit right,
your daddy's not a hero,
he stole your chariot.

so here you are in pieces,
trying to prove to us it's real,
the softness of your smile,
and the lies you want to feel,
and the scales beneath your skin
are showing off today
there's evil in your heart,
it wants out to play.

there's evil in your heart, it wants out to play.
and I have made a home here for me,
you'll burn it down with your own fantasy.

Friday, November 04, 2011

Hide yourself.

Boy: Are you mad at me?
Me: No, more like disappointed in you.
Boy: Is it because I changed?
Me: Not exactly.. It's because you turned out to be the person you've sworn not to be.

I remember having this conversation.. I remember how everything came crashing down but then, I also remember the number of people that had this conversation with me. It wasn't once, not twice. More than I could even remember. At some point of time, people will let you down.

Then again, how many times have you let people down?