Saturday, December 01, 2012

I have decided

I will never, ever get tired of this place. Ever.

Part 83924893248

Sunday, October 07, 2012

This blog served me good for a year and eleven months and today, I decided to shut it down. For good this time.

Friday, October 05, 2012

Change is not always good.

Over the years of blogging, I tried to change the way I blog because my friends said my blog is way too melancholy and it made me realize some things.

Change #1
I tried to blog about how my day went
Result: I realized my life is not that interesting for me to blog.

Change #2
I blogged about fashion.
Result: My lack of fashion sense actually backfired me. I know nothing. Nothing, at all.

Change #3
Tried blogging about the outfit that I wear daily.
Result: Daily outfit = jeans + t-shirt.

Change #4
365 days pictures of me. Basically, I have to take picture every single day of 2012 or was it 2011 that I tried that challenge.
Result: I gave up on the third day.

Change #5

So basically, these are the reasons why I release my inner 17 year old Peyton Sawyer here. Bonne nuit. 

Monday, October 01, 2012

.jpeg Part 1

My lack of social life contributed to the lack of activities during my semester break. I had to attend Software Testers course (which I, alhamdulillah, passed the test) during my break and not to mention I haven't sit for my last paper because I fell sick a day prior to the paper. Other than that, my heart has been happy. 

Recent Melaka daily trip with Mama. 

Jaja's doa selamat

Her name is Shuzshu. The babycat.

I decided to try curls for a day, it lasted for an hour. Thanks, hair.

My favorite picture before finals.
Nero, if you're reading this. My shoe size is 6 for Vans, you know what to do with it. (mega-watt smile)

Monday, September 17, 2012

Of religion and ignorance.

Today, my pious cousin showed me 'Innocence of Muslim'. I was utterly shocked after watching the 13 minutes clip, I'm not sure how I would react if I saw the whole movie. I may not be the perfect face for a Muslim but as a sister in my religion, I felt disgusted. Is that how America wants Islam to be seen? Is that how they want to portray how Islam is?

They said the Quran teaches us to be violent, it teaches us to kill people.

Islam does not, I repeat, does not promote violence in any way possible. Our religion does not teach us to kill people, it does not teach us to cause riot, it does not teach us to hate other religions. We only fight back when we are provoked, we fight back when people insult our religion, we fight back when you insult our prophet, we fight back all in the name of Islam. The Quran does not teach us to start a fight, it teaches us to fight back when it comes to matters of our religion. Especially when ignorant people make a movie, insulting our prophet, our religion. What did you expect the Muslims to do? Nothing? Just watch the movie and go on with our lives?

We, the Muslims, are the same like you. We do not like our religion to be made as a joke.

You may think the Quran teaches us to kill people, bomb buildings and cause riots but it doesn't. Those who do that, they have deviated from the teachings Islam. And by saying, "All Muslims are the same" is wrong. The few that did this despicable act do not represent the rest of Muslims in the world. People NEED to stop using religion as an excuse.

To make it short, before you start judging Islam, read the Quran. The movie insulted Islam. To expect Muslims not to fight back is a mistake.

My favorite quote to go with this post is;

Rest in peace the 2977 victims of 9/11 and rest in peace to the 8000000 Muslims for terror crimes they did not even commit

Sunday, September 16, 2012

16th September 2012, 1.33 AM.

You're crying out for help and yet you are not ready to receive any.

You want to be saved and yet you refuse to be found.

You want him to fix you and yet you don't want him to help you.

What the hell do you want?

Saturday, September 15, 2012

When love speaks.

I think people are mistaken with the true meaning of love, especially girls. People expect too much from love, they expect a perfect significant other to appear out of nowhere and sweep them off their feet. When you expect too much, it will only lead you to disappointment and that's why people are sad when it comes to love. You can't expect a person to be perfect, everyone has their flaws, it's whether you want to accept it or not.

I think people get the wrong idea about love because of the way movies (especially The Notebook) portray how love is. The definition of love is big, it's huge. Not everyone can appear at your doorstep at 3 AM just because you're feeling sad, not everyone can wait for you for 10 years. People tend to have high expectations when it comes to their loved ones. Why? Because that's what people fcken do these days. Instead of appreciating what's in front of them, they tend to drift away and expect their partner to make them happy ALL the time. I get it, we can't help but to expect so many things from others but what about what your partner expects from you? Can you fulfill their expectations, too? I bet not.

Having expectations towards someone is inevitable but try lowering your expectations and you might finally see how colorful love is, you might even find your life even better. He might not wait for you for ten years, he might not drive 10 hours just to see you for an hour but he's the one who'll wipe your tears when you're sad. He'll be the one who calls you up at two am just because you miss him. It's the little things in life that counts.

Wednesday, September 12, 2012


I like the feeling of being in love and being loved by someone. I owe this feeling to the boy I should've dated two years ago. Yes, should have.

Sunday, September 02, 2012

Bittersweet August.

I didn't have a good start for raya as three of my younger cousins got the pox and one of other cousin had to remove her appendix on the first day of raya. To add another series of our unfortunate events, my uncle had heart attack (he's recovering now) on the fourth day of raya.

Despite of all that, I had a pretty amazing raya back in KL and bid adiue to my good friend, Illy. :'(

The not-so 'almost' newlyweds who are still over the moon.

Team White at Illy's farewell.

Illy is flying off to Manchester very soon. No more beef stew for me.



Friday, August 24, 2012

Shit girls say

After shaving her legs

"Feel how soft my legs are. FEEL IT!"

Before shopping

"I'm not going to buy anything that I don't need"

During shopping

"Oooh! I need that."

"I have a matching top for that!"

"I might use it for certain occasion"

"It's okay, I don't need this."

After shopping

"I shouldn't have bought that"

"Damn it, I should have bought that"

After looking at pictures of skinny girls

"I gotta start eating healthy and jog!"

Few minutes after that

"Cheeseburger would be nice"

Other shit that girls say

"Do I look fat?"

"What should I eat?"

"I miss my cat"

"I'll have the small piece"

"I have so many things to tell you!"

"I'm cold"

"Be honest!"

and the famous

"I'm fine"

Thursday, August 23, 2012

23rd August 2012

H: There's something about you.

Me: What?

H: You're like one of the most friendly person I've met. One minute, I feel like I know you. The next, it feels like you're stranger to me.

Me: May I ask why?

H: You make people believe that they really know you when they actually have no slight idea about you.

Me: I'm sad, sometimes.

H: You still don't like opening up?

Me: Honestly, I thought I didn't but I actually do but the sad thing is, no one bothers to ask because I look happy most of the time. Even the ones who are close to me just don't bother sometimes.


I like to curl into a ball. In this pitch black hole, where no one can find me or even have a slight trace of what I'm feeling.

How's that?

Life confessions

It's crazy, because I don't even know when you became so important to me. It's like watching a snowstorm. You see the flakes falling but you don't realize how they're adding up. Then suddenly, your whole lawn is covered. All these little things have added up and you're my snowstorm.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Of unresolved feelings.

Today's azan maghrib marks the end of Ramadhan.

This would be my 13th year celebrating Syawal in Kedah instead of both Kedah and Johor. Believe me, I'm still not used to it. I miss Batu Pahat. I remember being happy there because I celebrated Syawal with my family. Well, the complete one. I miss waking up to my dad's voice on the first day of Syawal. I miss fighting with my siblings on who gets to use the shower first. I miss salam raya with both of my parents, instead of just one. I miss everything.

To those of you who have the chance to celebrate with your family; be grateful. Some of us are not that fortunate.

Selamat Hari Raya. Maaf Zahir dan Batin, all the way from Kedah. xx
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Monday, August 13, 2012

Ramadhan Al-Kareem

Pictures from Ihya Ramadhan 1433 @ The Loop, Uniten.

So, so grateful that I had the chance to work with them again. The thing is, it didn't feel like working with your friends. It felt like working with your own family. So blessed.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

You know you're in love when..

Once upon a time, there was a girl who just couldn't stop listening to sad songs. She was a sucker for sad endings, sad songs and everything in between. Let's just say, she loved to destroy herself with sad things.

One day, she met a boy and things just abruptly changed. He gave her this happiness that she can't quite understand. When she sees the boy, she feels like a kid who just stopped an ice cream truck. She feels genuinely happy every time she sees him. The kind of happiness that her friends could tell that she's happy.

Since then, she stopped listening to sad songs.

Friday, August 10, 2012

Summertime sadness.

When it comes to friendship, change is inevitable. It is not something that you can control, it is not something constant. You might be close with your friends when you are in high school but things 'might' change after that. You might stay up on the phone with your friend until dawn but in few years time, you and that friend might not even talk to each other anymore.

You know those friends who you used to have lunch with during break time? In few years time, you might not even be in their friends list anymore. Try to look at the pictures that you took during your final year in your high school, do you even recognize their faces anymore?

Scary isn't it? How things just fall apart.

(I was going to upload pictures of me and my friends during high school and then I realized how depressingly thin I was. Terus I depressed now. LOL)

Sunday, August 05, 2012


I feel disconnected from the world.

Wednesday, August 01, 2012

You're the straw to my berry.

You're like the rain after a hot sunny day.

You're like the smell of a new book.

You're the chill down my spine.

You're the smoke to my high.

You're the rainbow after the rain.

I don't say this often (for god knows why) but you're the reason that I'm happy.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Hi Farah Ain Darwish

Yes, you. I know you've been reading my blog (oh-so discretely). The next time if you wonder who am I seeing right now, ask me. Don't ask your boyfriend because he'll end up asking me. :P

Monday, July 23, 2012

23rd July 2012

X: Are you good at relationship?

Me: Others, yes. Mine, almost clueless. What's up? Is there anything wrong between you and her?

X: She sort of wants to settle down with me, you know, serious relationship? Talk about the future and stuff.

Me: And..

X: I'm afraid that I'm not ready for it.

Me: Dude, you're 25. How can you not be ready for a serious relationship? What are you scared of?

X: What if things just stop working out? What if.. there's someone out there better for me?

Me: Well, if that's the case.. There's always someone better out there for her, too but she chose you.

Saturday, July 21, 2012

Little Talks

It was Sunday.

I was getting ready for my Sunday routine. I carefully tucked in my pale yellow t-shirt in my faded jeans. I picked out my favorite olive sweater and looked at the mirror. For an old man, I looked clean. I thought to myself. The weather was gloomy but I wasn't. I didn't care what the weather was, I've always loved Sundays ever since I came here.

"Mr. Charles, are you ready?", a voice came from the door. It was Charlie. He took care of me.

I nodded and left the room. It was Sunday, everyone looked happy. I made my way to the cafeteria and took a tray. Everything smelled good. The waffles, blueberries, pancakes, baked potatoes. On Sundays, the usually dull cafe turns into a food galore. After filling up the tray, I sat at my usual table with Frank and Patrick. Frank was half deaf while Patrick was not much of a speaker. The conversation between these two were always funny. I was reading the newspaper until I saw her.. The woman that made me come and stay here. She looked cautious with her surrounding and she was wearing her favorite blue sweater that has little flowers embroidered at the sleeves.

I excused myself from the table and made my way to her table.

"May I sit here, ma'am?", I smiled.

She nodded.

"How's your Sunday going?"

"Quite lovely. Are you going to read me a book today?", she asked.

"Of course, it's Sunday, isn't it?", I smiled.


"Mr. Charles, it's 4PM. Your favorite part of Sunday", Charlie said to me.

"I'm ready, son. Just give me five minutes, I need to find the book"

"Your kids called, they say they'll be here soon"

"I will be at my usual spot", I replied.

Once I found the book, I made my way to the garden and on my way there, I was greeted by my friends. They knew where I was heading but most of them just gave me an apologetic smile but I didn't care. I was anticipating to see her. The thought of her smiling when I read made me walk a little faster.

As soon as I exited the front door, I saw her. She was still wearing the same clothes but she carefully pulled her hair into a loose bun. In her hands, there were two lilies. I reckoned she must have gotten it from the doctor that she had an appointment earlier.

"Hello ma'am, did I make you wait?", I asked.

"No, no. I just got here, the doctor gave me lilies. My favorite flower.", she replied.

"I know. I got a new book"

"What is it about?"

"Don't worry, it's not a sad story. I promise this time, the story will have a happy ending"

"I like your sweater. It looks very nice"

"Thank you, ma'am. My wife gave it to me. Can I start reading the story?"

"Oh yes please. Go on"

She was anxious, I could tell. She loved Sundays as much as I did. I loved reading to her because she was a cautious listener. She would listen to every word that I say and she would ask for me to repeat it until she gets it. Her reaction at certain parts of the story made me smile. Made me love her even more.

In the midst of reading, someone lightly tapped my shoulder. I turned around and see Charlie.

"I'm sorry for interrupting, Mr. Charles but your children are here. They said they couldn't be long", Charlie said.

I looked at her and before I could say anything, she said, "It's okay. You've read a lot today, Mr. Charles. Thank you and I'm looking forward for the next reading"

I kissed her cheeks and said goodbye. I could see my children from far and I could see the same apologetic look on their faces. Once she left, they came and sat next to me.

"How are you, dad?", my eldest son asked.

"It's Sunday, of course I am feeling good, son", I replied.

My daughter did not look happy.

"Dad, you gotta come home. Please?", she begged.

I shook my head, "No, Penny. I made my decision to come here and look out for her."

"But mum doesn't even remember you, dad."

Sunday, July 15, 2012

The world was built for two.

Once upon a time, there was a girl. She was eating with her friends and a boy, around her height, skinny-looking caught her attention. It was his smile that made her look. That one smile that almost looked like a smirk.

They became friends. Well, the type of friends who would just nod or say hi if they see each other.

More than a year has passed, he still has that same smile that caught her attention. Exactly the same, exactly how she saw it more than a year ago.

The only thing that's different is those nods and awkward hi's turned into the things that she loves. The things that make her love him even more.

The end.

Thursday, July 12, 2012

Quote #01

When someone else accepts you, that's when you begin to see yourself through their eyes. And you begin to realize that there may actually be many qualities to like about yourself
- Natsuki Takaya (author of Fruits Basket)

Friday, July 06, 2012

The little things in life.

  • The smell of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies
  • Crossing the last item on your to-do list
  • When class ends earlier than you expected
  • Wearing your boyfriend's sweatshirt
  • When a slow driver in front of you changes lane
  • Getting praise for something you put a lot of your effort and time into
  • An ice cold drink on a hot day
  • Your cat snuggling up to you after a long day
  • When a little kid wants to sit on your lap
  • When someone remembers your favorite song 
  • The satisfaction of scratching an itch
  • When a person asks you if you made it home safely
  • Wrapping your cold hands around a cup of warm drink
  • The morning after a night of rain
  • Hearing your favorite song at a live concert
  • Being surrounded by the people you love
  • When little kid reaches to hold your pinky.
  • When you glance at someone and caught that person staring at you
  • Getting hugs from little kids or the person you love
My list of little things in life that make me happy. 

So tell me what are the little things in life that make you happy. 

Saturday, June 30, 2012

Of #UnitenGua

For the past three months (or maybe more), I have been very busy with preparation for UnitenGua; an art fest brought to you by the (engineering and IT) students of UNITEN.  Honestly, when I first came to the meeting, I didn't know anyone except for Nadira F. and Aqif Ismail. I only knew these two people and the rest, I am pretty sure I never saw them around campus. Not to mention how intimidated I was with everyone sebab semua muka-muka senior kerek nak mampus pula kan. Hehe

We became closer after having numerous late night meetings and not to mention the amount of calls we had to make between each other (Well, most calls were made by Mok) but all of us formed an unexpected bond, maybe it's because they've been friends way before the event but for me, I only knew them after the meetings and my intimidation towards them slowly faded away. 

I remember dreading the late night meetings because I was just too tired but then again, all of us were. One thing that I truly love about the committees, they were/are there for each other and not to mention how supportive most of them are. When one is down, the others would pillar one up and make sure things are okay after that. They are by far, the best people I've worked with. 

I've worked with many people before this but nothing compares to this because the committees made me enjoy the journey of UnitenGua; the Ikea trip, late night meetings, TuneTalk, Train concert, Apex's surprise. To the names that I mentioned below, you guys rock. All that hard work and determination really paid off.

So thank you Mok, Aqif, Peah, Baim, Nadira F, Apex, Mila, Abul, Azrai, Nadja, Faiz, Palee, Zul, Soleh, Daos, Sandra, Anis, Prish, Echo, Susu and Ghobhi and congratulations to each and every one of you because the event won't be a success without your contributions. I'm so proud of all of you. UnitenGua brings to you ConvoFest, anyone? ;) Sayang korang.

Last but not least, thank you everyone who came and showed your support. Couldn't have done it without you guys. :)

Lepas ni siapa lah handle UnitenGua 2.0 kan? :')

Monday, June 18, 2012

Ancient Love

I remember having this conversation about two weeks ago with my grandma. We're not very close but this conversation struck me the most because I never really talk to her about anything regarding my life.

"La sekarang bercinta dengan siapa?", Tok asked with an almost serious face.

"Eh Tok ni, mana ada siapa siapa.", I replied, half giggling and from what I can see, she didn't buy my lie.

"Cakap betul-betul, Tok tengok La ni main phone je selalu. Tok tak marah pun kalau La ada siapa-siapa. Tok lagi suka. La kan cucu perempuan Tok paling tua"

"Kenapa Tok tanya eh? Jarang Tok tanya La pasal benda ni. Selalunya mama je", I scooted closer to her.

"Bukannya apa, La. Tok tak nak kalau La pilih salah orang nanti.", she smiled half-heartedly.

"Ala Tok, tak ada pilih salah orang. La pun bukannya cakap banyak dengan orang lain pun"

"Tak ada la, cuma Tok takut cucu Tok ni buat keputusan salah. Tak boleh bayangkan kalau La punya hati kat orang lain tapi kena kahwin dengan orang lain. Kena hidup dengan tu sepanjang hidup tau La kalau silap buat pilihan. Tok nak yang terbaik untuk La"

"Apa maksud Tok salah pilih orang?"

My grandmother let out a heavy sigh and put her hands on my lap.

"Dulu, waktu Tok kahwin dengan Tok Wan.. Tok ada bercinta dengan lelaki lain. Tok sayang sangat dekat dia tapi disebabkan keluarga Tok suruh kahwin dengan Tok Wan, Tok ikutkan. Lama Tok nak lupakan dia. La jangan salah anggap, Tok sayang Tok Wan tapi lain caranya dengan sayang lelaki yang Tok patutnya kahwin. Jadi, Tok nak La buat pilihan yang terbaik. Jangan pilih sebab orang lain suruh. Pilih atas hati La sendiri sebab nanti yang gembiranya ialah La, bukan orang lain. Tok sayang dekat cucu Tok, Tok tak nak La menyesal dengan siapa La pilih"

My grandma held my hands and her tears trickled down her pale skin. I wanted to continue the conversation but my grandfather came back. She quickly wiped her tears away and smiled at me. One of the warmest smile I've ever seen in my life and this conversation will probably be the one I remember most having with her.